Learn to Love Again
by ashleighlovesbooks
Summary: Clary has lost herself in her problems. With having no Father, her Mother in depression, Clary and her family make the move to Brooklyn and move in with family friend Luke Garroway. Clary embarks on a long journey through high school, will she find love or will she be alone more than ever? All human, rated M for depression, self-harm and future lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note:** Hey guys, this is my first fanfic! I've been working on the idea for a while so I have a few chapters already written. Firstly I'd like to state that this story will be rated M for adult themes such as depression and self-harm and possibly future lemons. I'd also like to add that some of the problems Clary faces in this story will reflect some of my personal issues. It's always helped me to write about my problems so why not incorporate them into a story? But if any of you do suffer from depression, self-harm or any of that, please feel free to talk to me. I know how hard it is and I know sometimes all you want is someone to talk to.

On a lighter note, this is chapter one! And if I haven't exactly grasped the American schooling system properly, please feel free to help me! I'm British and obviously the schooling system is very different compared to the American system but I've done my research and I'm trying my best! Please rate and review. Feedback is always welcome and I will be looking for a Beta maybe if anyone is interested, thank you!

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of the characters. All of this was down to the lovely Cassie Clare.**

* * *

_"Just give me a reason,  
Just a little bit's enough.  
Just a second we're not broken, just bent,  
And we can learn to love again"_

* * *

Clary stood in her new bedroom. The walls were bare, as if nobody had ever stepped foot in this room before. Plain furniture lined the room. Clary felt like she should feel happy, feel happy that she has been given another chance but she doesn't, she can't feel anything.

"-and we can go shopping tomorrow," Luke said, interrupting Clary's train of thoughts. Clary snapped out of her daze, turning to face Luke, not knowing how long she had been standing in that trance for.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Clary replied softly, not meeting his gaze.

"I said we can go shopping tomorrow after school if you want. Buy some paint and stuff; liven up yours and Jon's room a bit. I could also give you a tour if you want? Show you were everything is," Luke replied, a smile forming on his face.

"Sure, that sounds great," Clary said, warming to the idea of making this room her own. She had always loved art, it was her escape from her problems.

"Dinner will be ready soon, I need to go to speak to Jon quickly, be down in 10," Luke said whilst walking out the door. Clary could hear his footsteps quietening as he made his way to Jon's room. Clary sighed, taking in the view of her room again before flinging herself onto her bed. She could feel her eye lids closing, the weight of the past few hours taking over her. _10 minutes won't hurt_ she thought and she gave into the darkness.

* * *

"Clary, wake up," She could feel a pair of hands set on her shoulders, gently shaking her from her sleep. The voice belonged to Jonathon, her older brother. Their similarities didn't go far. Where Clary had fiery red hair and green eyes, Jonathon had almost white hair and practically black eyes. Clary was a spitting image of her Mother but Clary believed her Mum to be much prettier, especially at the same age as Clary. Jonathon on the other hand obviously inherited all of their Father's features, as far as Clary could tell. The only time she ever saw her Father was in pictures and then it was only pictures of when he was younger, at high school with Jocelyn, her mum.

"Jon, get off me," Clary whined, pushing him away and pulling the covers over her head to block the light seeping through her curtains. _Wait, since when was it morning? _Clary thought. At this thought, Clary threw herself out of her bed, practically knocking Jon down in the process.

"Woah Clare, what's up?" Jon replied whilst pulling himself up from the floor. Clary couldn't help but smirk at the fact she had knocked him over.

"What time is it?" Clary said, looking round the room hoping to find somewhere that showed the time, even though she knew the room was bare.

"It's 7am, we start school today, remember? First day back since Summer started, does that ring any bells?" Jon said jokingly. Clary scowled at his mocking tone, pushing him out the way say she could get to the bathroom.

As she walked into the bathroom, she turned round to lock the door before sinking to the ground with her back against the door. Ever since she moved to Brooklyn, she promised herself she wouldn't cry and she wasn't about to give that up now. She stood up and she was faced with the reflection of herself in the mirror. Clary stood in awe taking in her disgruntled appearance. Her hair was in a messy bun which looked more like a birds nest than anything. Black shadows rimmed her eyes from the sleepless nights. Clary's eyes traveled down the full length of her body, taking in everything inch from her pointed collar bones to her curve-less body. She sighed before turning on the shower to hot, not bothering to check if it the water was too hot.

* * *

Clary rummaged through her bags as she forgot to unpack last night before she accidentally fell asleep. She settled on a pair of navy ripped jeans, a vest top with a black sweater on top. She pulled on her black converses and grabbing her school bag before making her way downstairs. The smell of breakfast hit her as soon as she opened her door. Her stomach seemed to agree with the smell as it let out a loud rumble. Clary then remembered she had fallen asleep right before dinner so she hadn't eaten in hours.

Clary's feet took of down the stairs before she could even think about it, following the smell of breakfast through the house, hoping she'd find the kitchen. Her instincts had proven her right and she walked into the kitchen to find Luke plating up breakfast whilst making aimless conversation with Jon. Clary's presence didn't go unnoticed because before she knew it, she had a plate full of breakfast put in front of her and she was eating the food as if she hadn't eaten for days.

"Woah, slow down Clare, you'll make yourself sick if you eat any faster" Jon said jokingly, a grin plastered on his face.

"Yeah Clary, you don't want to be sick for your first day back at school, do you?" Luke added. Clary raised her head from her plate, scowling at the boys which only caused them to laugh more as she has all sorts of food smeared across her face.

"Think you could fit anymore in your mouth?" Jon said between breaths of laughter. Clary took this as her opportunity to fling a bit of bacon across the table at him, hoping to hit him in the face, which she succeeded at.

"Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to throw that at you," Clary said with a smirk forming on her face. She could hear Luke's laughter filling the kitchen as Jon sat there mockingly looking shocked.

"Oh, how dare you Clare! I can't believe you just did that!" Jon said mockingly, pretending to act hurt by Clary's actions.

"Oh shut up Jon. Come on, it's almost 8 and your my ride to school. We'd better get going, don't want to be late for the first day of school now, do we?" Clary said, over exaggerating the last part. _Only two more years left, _Clary subconscious reminded her.

"Of course not Clare, come on," Jon said whilst getting up from the table. He now stood by Clary. There was almost a good ten inches in height difference between them, making Clary looking even more short than she already does.

"See you guys later, have a good day!" Luke shouted at them as they walked out the kitchen. Clary quickly ran upstairs to brush her teeth whilst Jon went to his room to grab his bag. As Clary left her room, she was greeted by Jon waiting for her at the top of the stairs.

"We're going to be late at this rate, come on!" Jon said as he quickly shuffled down the stairs, missing the last few stairs before hitting the floor. Clary followed behind him and made her way outside to his car. She still didn't understand as to why she couldn't drive her own car to school.

A loud beep broke Clary from her thoughts. Jon was already sat in the car, engine on and was beginning to grow impatient. _It's now or never_ Clary thought before slipping into the passenger's seat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: **Hey guys, I didn't get any reviews on my first chapter! But I did get follows and favourites which must be a good sign so I will carry on, for now. As for a posting schedule, as it is the Easter holidays in England till next week, I will be posting quite often but once school starts again, I'll be posting 2, maybe 3 times a week, depending on how school is going.

As for now, this is chapter 2! I hope you like it, as always, rate and review!

* * *

_"Don't get too close,  
It's dark inside.  
It's where my demons hide,  
It's where my demons hide"_

* * *

As Jon drove to school, Clary couldn't help but notice that they only lived a couple of blocks away from school, meaning she could walk to and from school as she pleased. Whilst driving to school, Clary took in her surroundings. The streets were much busier than they were where she used to live. She wasn't used to the hustle and bustle on the streets but it was something she would have to get used to.

Clary took note of a secluded café just a few blocks from home. Clary always liked having a spot where she could get away from everything and could just watch the world going by and this café looked like the perfect place. She reminded herself to pop in there on the way home from school.

Her thoughts were broken as she was flung into the dashboard of the car. She turned her head to scowl at Jon who was laughing at her.

"Come on Clare, time for school!" Jon said, with an over exaggerated cheeriness in his voice. Clary sat there for a moment before picking her bag up and opening the door only to be hit with a solid wall of heat.

"I swear it wasn't this hot when we left the house!" Clary whined as she made her way round to the other side of the car to stand by Jon.

"Shut up moaning Clary, we're going to be late. Don't forget we need to pick up our schedules," Jon replied, pulling Clary along to the front doors.

Clary followed behind Jon who had a firm grip on her hand, pulling her along a little too fast for her liking. They came to a stop outside the office and Clary struggled from his grip before she heard a voice.

"Hello, I'm Miss Budd, but you can call me Kiera if you like. What could I do for you today?" the lady behind the desk asked, mainly focusing on Jon. Clary assumed this is where they were supposed to pick their schedules up but Jon was too busy drooling over the women to notice.

"Hi, I'm Clary Fray. We're here to pick our schedules up," Clary said, waiting for Jon to carry on but he was still too busy admiring the women. Clary elbowed him in the side to break his stare wishing to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Er-erm, I'm Jonathon Morgenstern," Jon stuttered "We need our schedules, we're new here," A smirk was forming on Clary's face at the situation her brother was in. He looked like a love struck puppy.

"Of course I can get them for you, what grade are you in?" The lady, Miss Budd replied with a seductive tone. Clary jumped in before Jon could reply and make a bigger fool of himself.

"I'm a junior, he's a senior. Now can we just have our schedules please? We're going to be late," Clary replied harshly which earned a scowl from the receptionist which Clary just returned with a smug smile.

"Sure, just one moment," the receptionist replied as she walked into a small room which looked like her office. Clary could see her rummaging through a filing cabinet, obviously trying to find their schedules. _Why can't people just be organised _Clary thought whilst releasing a loud sigh that she didn't know she was holding in.

A few moments later, the receptionist came back with two schedules in her hand. She gave Clary hers and as Clary walked away, she could hear the receptionist sucking up to Jon. Clary sighed and carried on walking. If he wanted to be late on his first day then that was his choice.

* * *

After wandering the halls for a good 10 minutes, Clary finally ended up outside her first class with a few minutes to spare. She looked into the classroom through the window in the door and saw that class had already started.

The panic started to set in. All these weeks building up to a new start weren't so bad but now full reality had hit Clary whilst she was standing outside the classroom door. She shook of the panic and her feet overtook her for the second time that morning.

Clary had slipped in through the door and now she had the full attention of the class. "You must be the new student," a voice said which Clary assumed to be the teacher. Clary just nodded and refused to meet the gaze of the entire class and the teacher for that matter.

"Well there's only one seat and that would be at the back, in between Isabelle Lightwood and Jace Herondale," the teacher said obviously irritated by Clary's refusal to speak or even notice the presence on the class.

Clary shuffled through the rows of desks before settling in her chair next to a girl who was your typical glamor model look alike. With her raven black hair set in a high pony tail on her head and what Clary assumed to be a designer black leather jacket, Clary suddenly felt out of place in her black sweater and skinny jeans. On her other side was a boy with tawny golden hair that fell just below his ears.

Clary sucked in a gasp and focused on her book on her desk, refusing to be sucked in by his looks. Clary knew what boys like him were. She had dealt with a fair few of them in her past and she refused to deal with anymore.

She heard the boy snicker and she began to write. She turned her head and scowled at him to let him know she wasn't affected in any way by his looks or presence.

"Ignore him, he's a total jerk most of the time," said the girl with the raven black hair in a hushed tone who Clary assumed was Isabelle, remembering what the teacher said a few minutes ago when she came into class.

Clary just smiled and returned her gaze to her book barely even listening to the teacher. She suddenly felt a nudge in her side and turned round to see Isabelle looking at her again.

"The teacher said whoever we're sitting next to is our partner for the next project which means we are working together," Isabelle said with a smile on her face.

"I'm Isabelle as you might have guessed but you can call me Izzy," she said to Clary. Clary thought she didn't seem as bad as she thought she would be so she just smiled and said "I'm Clary, Clary Fray" before returning her gaze to the front of the classroom, attempting to pay attention to the teacher this time.

* * *

A piercing bell broke Clary from her daze as she realised class was over and everybody was leaving. Clary began to gather all her stuff up before making a mental note of who seemed okay in the class. As Clary turned, she was met with a hard body and her stuff was now on the floor. She sighed before getting on the floor to pick it up.

"Watch it, Red" a male voice said. Clary didn't even have to look up to know it was Jace who she sat next to all lesson, ignoring his presence after what happened at the beginning of class. Clary just scowled at the floor as she began to pick her stuff up.

She saw another pair of hands helping gather her stuff up and she looked up to meet the gaze of Izzy, her partner for the rest of the year. Clary gave her a soft smile and took the stuff of Isabelle before standing up.

"Hey, it's break now, do you fancy staying with me and meeting my friends?" Izzy said offering Clary a warm smile. Clary was shocked at her proposal. She had never really had any friends. She just kept herself to herself and that was that.

"Sure, why not?" Clary replied whilst putting everything in her bag. Izzy just laughed before taking her arm whilst walking out of class.

"Come on, I heard there is a new boy that started as well today and I need to see if he is hot!" Isabelle said whilst winking at Clary. Clary just giggled knowing this "new boy" Isabelle wanted to hunt out was her brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note: **Chapter 3, yay! If no one starts to review, I will set review targets until I update. I know it's not fair but I'd like to know what you guys think. It only takes a few minutes so please, I really would appreciate it.

It's also awesome to see where people are reading from! My top 3 countries are USA, United Kingdom and Australia, that's mental. On that note, here's chapter 3, enjoy!

* * *

_"So come on get higher, loosen my lips,  
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips.  
Just pull me down hard,  
And drown me in love" _

* * *

Clary was being pulled down a thousand different hallways she had yet to see. She wanted to stop Isabelle so she could take in her surroundings so she didn't have to ask for help but Isabelle was adamant on finding the "new boy". The thought of this made Clary giggle as she was looking forward to Izzy's reaction once she found out who he was.

"Come on Clary, we'll never find him at this rate," Izzy said from ahead, still dragging Clary through the corridors into the cafeteria.

"I think that's him over there Clary, look!" Izzy said in a hushed tone so she didn't attract any more attention than she already was but it was too late, Jonathon was already making his way over to the pair of girls.

"Clary, he's coming this way, come on!" Izzy said whilst pulling Clary towards him, meeting him halfway across the cafeteria.

"Hey girls," Jon said in a sly tone assuming that Clary hadn't told Izzy that he was her brother.

"Hey, my name's Izzy, this is-" Izzy said before Jonathon interrupted her with a smirk on his face.

"Clary, that's Clary," Jon said with a slight humour lacing his voice. Izzy turned round to face Clary with the shock evident on her face.

"Jonathon," Clary replied with a smile tugging at her lips. She couldn't help but laugh when Izzy kept looking between the two of them to try and find out what's going on.

"Is he your boyfriend? Clary, why didn't you tell me!" Izzy said, trying to be angry at Clary for making her look like a total idiot.

Before Clary could reply, Jon interrupted again. "Don't worry Isabelle, she is definitely not my girlfriend," Jon said whilst laughing. Clary joined in with his laughter which baffled Izzy even more.

"So how do you two know each other then?" Izzy asked clearly confused by the current situation.

"He's my brother Iz, we moved down here yesterday before school started," Clary stated hoping she didn't have to elaborate on the topic.

"See you've made a friend then Clare, why don't you come eat lunch with us?" Jonathon replied whilst gesturing to the table full of people behind them.

Before Clary could get a word in, Izzy was already dragging her over to the table with Jon trailing not far behind. As Izzy came to a stop, Clary crashed into her back.

"Ouch," Clary muttered under her breath. She was still stood behind Izzy's back and was reluctant to step out from behind her knowing she'd have to face a table full of looks. Just before she stepped out from behind Izzy, she felt a rough hand wrap around her wrist. She tensed up at first before turning her head to find Jon offering her a soft smile as if to say, _you can do this._

She felt Jon's hand tug at her wrist again which gave her the strength to step out in front of all these people. She felt Jon's fingers lace with hers and she gave his hand a soft squeeze to let him know she was okay.

Before she could meet the gazes of a table full of people, she heard Jon let out a breath she didn't know he was holding.

"Guys, this is Clary. She's new here," Izzy said before taking Clary's other hand and pulling her forward. She reluctantly let goes of Jon's hand to be pulled forward by Izzy yet again.

Clary finally raised her head to see who she was being introduced to before offering a small a smile and a "Hi," to the people who sat at the table.

She was met with a table full of "Hi's" and the occasional grunt and grumble. Clary couldn't help but smile back at Jon who was watching her from a few feet away. He saw her smile and moved forward and took her under his arm.

The people seated at the table shared confused glances between each other before Jonathon said "She's my little sister guys so back off," in a protective tone whilst tightening his grip round Clary's shoulders.

Clary laughed at his over protectiveness and shook of his arm before moving forward to stand next to Izzy again. Clary's eyes scanned the table seeing if she recognized any of the faces.

She caught sight of a boy with glasses, ruffled shabby hair dressed in jeans and a plain shirt. He gave Clary a soft smile which she returned. Her eyes continued to scan the table before they landed on a tawny haired boy. _Great_ she thought. She had planned on avoiding him as much as possible but that didn't seem to be happening.

Clary had realized that her gaze had been on him for too long and she could see the smirk forming on his face. She scowled at him for a few seconds before finishing scanning the table. She saw a boy who looked familiarly like Isabelle. They both had black hair and blue eyes but that's as far as the similarities went.

Clary had realized that Jon and Izzy were now both seated at the table so she sat in the empty space next to Jon before putting her head on the table and droning out the chatter.

* * *

Before Clary knew it, her first day was over. She sighed in relief as she walked down the hallways crowded with people. She promised she'd meet Jon outside so they could go home together but the idea of the secluded café was becoming more tempting by the minute.

As she walked out the school doors, she saw Jon leaning against his car aimlessly looking around. Clary started walking over to him and as her footsteps grew nearer, he lifted his face up to meet her gaze.

"Ready to go?" Jon said whilst opening the door to get in the car.

"Actually Jon, I'm going to walk home. It's only a few blocks and there's this café I wanted to check out," Clary said whilst fiddling with the frayed ends of her sweater.

"Sure, that's fine. Be sure to be home before dinner though," Jon replied as he started up the car. Jon shut the door and rolled down the window.

"Be safe Clare," Jon said through the window before pulling out of the school car park and drove away.

Clary gave him a soft smile as her drove away before she began walking the few blocks to the café she spotted earlier.

Clary had arrived at the café quicker than she thought she would. She peered through the window to see if it was busy but there was barely anyone to be seen. Letting out a sigh, she slipped through the door and made her way to the counter. She ordered a black coffee and looked around the café for a seat.

She settled in a seat in the far corner, tucked away from everyone so she could merely observe everything and everyone. Clary loved doing this as it took her mind of everything else.

The bell rang as someone else entered the café. Clary looked up to see who had entered considering the café was practically deserted and the person who served her was practically shocked that someone was even here.

She was met with a pair of golden eyes and even after only a few hours, she could recognize those eyes anywhere. She decided not to give him the satisfaction of her being lost in his eyes so she decided to get her sketch book out and began to draw whatever came to mind.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt someone settle in the sofa opposite her. A scowl automatically formed on her face but Clary continued to draw refusing to meet his gaze.

A few moments passed before one of them spoke and even then, it was him he broke the silence.

"You should count yourself lucky red," Jace said from opposite her, bringing his feet up onto the coffee table and plastering a crooked grin onto his face.

Clary lifted her head to meet his grin with a confused expression. Jace just laughed and lent forward to say, "You're in my seat, Red," Jace said.

Clary ignored his comment and focused her gaze back onto her sketch book as she carried on drawing. Clary could still see Jace out her peripheral vision and he still had a grin on his face.

Clary had taken an instant dislike to him from the minute she was forced to sit next to him. He was your typical high school jerk and Clary just wanted to avoided him but the odds were definitely not in her favour today.

* * *

**Crap chapter, I know. None of my ideas seemed to be working but I wanted to get something out before I started college again on Monday. It's my birthday on Tuesday as well so depending on how much I get written, next update won't be until Wednesday or Thursday. Please rate and review. I've had no reviews yet and I'd appreciate some feedback. Thank you :-)**


	4. Authors note

**Authors note: **I wish I had some awesome excuse for not updating but the truth is, I don't. I said I'd update almost 2 weeks ago now after my birthday but I have 4 exams coming up in the next 4 weeks and I need to pass them if I have any hope of going to University next year. And plus, my internet isn't working at the moment, it works for about 5 minutes then refuses to do anything so I won't have a secure internet connection till the 8th May. I then have exams on the 13th, 21st and the 24th. Then it's half term meaning I will be working everyday apart from two which in those days, I'm going to London to meet my bestfriend from Twitter so it's safe to say this story will be on a **hiatus for the foreseeable future. **Plus, I've only had 4 reviews which sucks and I have no idea where to go with this story so I might take it down and re-think my ideas and actually type up the entire story so I don't have to worry but whatever happens, you guys will be the first to know.  
On another note, I got The Vampire Diaries box set for my birthday and by the Angel, I've probably shed enough tears to make a river. I'm only on episode 17 of season 2 so I have a lot more to come, I know but this show has ruined me.

Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone for the reviews, follows and favourites. I hope to be back soon with an awesome story line but you'll just have to wait and see.


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, so I've been gone almost 4 months now. This is crazy. Well first of all I apologize for not informing you of any decisions sooner. I'd like to say I've been busy but to be honest, I haven't really. I finished my exams end of May, I then spent 4 pointless weeks at college doing nothing and I've just got back from a 2 week working trip to Kenya so I haven't been to busy.

Now for my decision. I've had several reviews asking not to take it down and carry on writing and so on so I've decided I'm going to re-arrange the story sort of. I will edit the first 3 chapters to add more background details to Clary's life and the 3 chapters already posted will be seen again at a later date, probably around the chapter 5/6 mark.

I have 3 days of work next week so they will be spent organizing this story and writing several chapters so I can get this story going again. Apart from my 3 days away from work next week, I am working every single day until the 16th and then I go away for 10 days on another working trip with no internet connection and then it's back to college and applying for University time.

So I can't promise you anything but I will spend the next few days working through this story and getting ideas together and writing chapters. If you guys have any ideas or prompts you'd like to see in chapters then drop me a message because it really helps me when I have an idea to work around.

Also, I'd really appreciate a beta so if anyone is willing to review my chapters before they're posted then drop me a message. So hopefully by the end of next week, I shall be back with new chapters and ideas to please you all.

Until then.


End file.
